


Seventh Wheel

by Shipsorsanity



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Langst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 01:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9855587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipsorsanity/pseuds/Shipsorsanity
Summary: Lance knows that he's the one who's holding back Voltron from defeating Zarkon. He plans to do something about it. Who would miss him, anyway? He's just a seventh wheel. Nobody would even notice he's gone, right?





	

Lance often looked out the window to stare at whatever celestial body they passed. Usually it was just distant stars. Sometimes it was a nebula. Today it was a twin star system, close enough to see both suns and their planets.

"I wonder if Earth's out there," Lance mumbled to himself. "I wonder how long it's been."

They all had tried to keep track of the days, but there weren't days in outer space. Shiro never knew the date when he came back and didn't care to ask. Keith was the first to forget, but he couldn't have known the day they left. Hunk went next, making it a week before he stopped keeping track. Pidge went next, trying to convert seconds to ticks and just doing a lot of math to find out exactly how long they were out in space for. Pidge stopped counting after a month, saying it wasn't that important anyway, since they would be the only ones who cared what day it was and that there was no real reason to keep track.

The only person who cared anymore was Lance, who felt like he needed something to remind him of home. He took a knife from the castle's kitchen and cut a notch on his bedpost when he felt like about twenty four hours had passed. Sure he didn't know for sure what the day was, but it was nice to have an approximation.

By the notches in his bedpost, he could tell that today was his birthday.

He didn't feel any older and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but it was still nice to know.

Back at home, he would have been surrounded by family. His mother and father and all his brothers and sisters would give him a big hug, and tell them how much they loved him.

Lance didn't realize he was crying until the castle passed the suns and he saw his reflection. He missed his family. He would have given anything to say goodbye to them.

Last year, all he wanted for his birthday was to get into the Garrison. This year, he just wanted to hear his mother's voice.

Lance let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding.

His homesickness wouldn't have been so bad if he had someone to talk to or a distraction, but everyone was already paired up anyway.

Coran and Allura probably felt worse than Lance. After all, their planet had been destroyed and their families with them. But at least they had each other. Someone they could talk to when they felt homesick. Lance didn't want to talk to them about homesickness. They would probably think he was overreacting or just trying to hit on Allura.

Then there were Keith and Shiro. They knew each other before getting launched into space. Lance couldn't butt in on their relationship. Besides, Lance doubted Keith felt homesick for anyone, and Shiro would probably just tell him he should keep his mind focused on defeating Zarkon. They wouldn't be much help to him.

Then there were Hunk and Pidge. Hunk was Lance's best friend. They spent all their time together at the Garrison, and Hunk always listened to Lance's stories about his family or Lance's feelings. But now Hunk was hanging out with Pidge more and Lance less. Lance wondered if Hunk listened to him voluntarily or if he just had nothing better to do. And Lance couldn't talk to Pidge, not about his family. Pidge would say at least he knew his family was safe on Earth, not scattered across the universe, dead or running for their lives.

In the end, everyone was paired up with someone to hang out with except for Lance. He was a seventh wheel, with nobody to go to. Nobody would care if today was his birthday. They would think he was just trying to get attention.

Lance felt like throwing up. His false confidence surely looked like he was just an attention hog and made everyone think he was a show off.

They wouldn't believe him if he told them the truth.

That he was scared. That he wasn't confident. That he missed his mom, and his abuelita, and his dad, and his brothers and sisters and–

Lance let go of another breath he had been holding.

He looked out of the window into space, looking wherever he guessed the Earth was.

Would they make it back to Earth?

Lance wanted to believe they would, he really did. He wanted nothing more than to see his family, to be home again. But he had to be realistic. Zarkon had been ruling the universe for thousands of years. There was a slim chance they would make it out alive.

Lance was holding them back. He knew that if it wasn't for him constantly messing around and getting in the way, they could have defeated Zarkon already. What else would Lance do to stop them from defeating him?

"They would do better without me getting in the way," Lance said to himself. He shakily tried to wipe away the tears that were falling, but he just made his face wet.

Without Voltron, Zarkon would take over the universe. He would bulldoze over the Earth with no regard for the people who lived there. Lance's entire family would be dead. And without him, there wouldn't be Voltron.

Except there would be. Allura or Coran could pilot the blue lion. Lance wasn't necessary to form Voltron, Blue was. And someone else could easily pilot Blue.

Lance knew what this meant. He was the one holding Voltron back from defeating Zarkon. And with Zarkon in power, his family, along with the rest of the universe, would be put in danger.

Lance knew what he had to do to stop himself from jeopardizing the universe. He had considered it many times before, but he had never realized how it could help his teammates. He could finally do some good for once.

Lance's body was on autopilot. He didn't realize he had left the hall with the window he was staring out of until he reached the training deck. He hoped that whoever was in there didn't notice as he passed by.

A moment passed before Lance realized where his feet were talking him. He was walking to the airlock.

When he got there, he stopped. He looked out at the small room that led to the vastness of space.

Tears streamed down Lance's face, but he didn't care. He didn't care about much then. Just about preventing himself from being a burden.

He opened the first door and closed it behind him.

Lance tethered himself to the side of the airlock. If anyone bothered to look for his body, he wanted it to be easy to find so they wouldn't lose precious time.

Lance was sobbing now. He couldn't catch his breath, but that wouldn't matter. He closed his eyes and hit the button that opened up the doors to space.

All the air immediately got sucked out of Lance's lungs. It was painful, but Lance knew that it would soon be over, that he wouldn't be a burden anymore.

In space, no one can hear you cry.

\---

Keith was walking down the hall to go train when he passed by Lance's open door. Keith was puzzled. Lance never left his door open.

Keith poked his head inside. Nobody was there. All that was in the room was a clean stack of Lance's clothes and his bed. Upon further inspection, Keith noticed some notches on the bedpost.

Back when Keith lived at the shack, he used this method to keep track of the days. He counted up all the notches and added it to what day it was when they left. He left to get the other paladins.

When he found them–the other paladins except for Lance–he asked if the date had any meaning to them.

"Sure it does," Hunk said, "It's Lance's birthday. Why?"

Keith told everyone about Lance's bedpost and they all immediately had the same thought: to surprise Lance. They talked with Coran and Allura, who were more than happy to help plan a little surprise party.

Hunk and Coran baked a cake, Pidge worked on his present–to be able to play the video game they bought forever ago–and Shiro, Allura, and Keith decorated. It wasn't anything to fancy, but Keith hoped it would make Lance happy.

As they sat back and admired their work, Shiro nudged Keith and said "So, what were you doing in Lance's room to see his bedpost?"

Keith turned red and said "I-his door was open, and I just wanted to see if everything was ok?"

Shiro gave Keith a smile and said "Sure you were. That was the only reason."

Allura looked over from where she was standing and said "Ooh, is this about Keith's crush on Lance?"

Keith glared at her and said "no." He turned away. "How would you even know that."

"The mice." Allura said, plain and simple. She smiled and put her hand on Keith's shoulder. "Lance is going to love what you did for him." She said.

Keith smiled faintly and said "I hope so."

The three of them stood in silence just long enough for it to get awkward. Keith finally said "I'm just gonna go train for a while. Tell me when he sees all this, yeah?"

Shiro nodded. "Don't worry Keith. He'll appreciate it." Keith rolled his eyes and walked out the door.

Keith was training for a few minutes before he saw movement outside the window of the training deck–it was Lance. Keith wondered if he should go after Lance and show him the little party they set up. He decided against it.

Keith continued fighting for just a few more seconds before his conscience got the better of him. Keith stopped the Gladiator and walked out to go find Lance.

Keith didn't try to catch up to Lance. He was still deciding on what he would say when he did catch up.

"Where is he going?" Keith mumbled to himself as he walked down some halls he hadn't been down many times before. He began to wonder if he should have just kept training.

Lance turned a corner and Keith stopped before following him, trying to make up his decision about what to say. Keith heard a door open and shut and out of curiosity, he peaked around the corner to see what was happening.

Keith felt his heart stop. Lance just walked into the airlock. Keith ran, but he couldn't get there before the door on the other side opened.

"Lance, no!" Keith screamed, slamming his hands on the buttons that would close the doors. Keith shook his head and hit the wall. It was too slow. When the doors opened to let him inside the airlock, he saw Lance, laying lifeless on the floor.

Keith grabbed his blade and cut the rope that kept Lance tied to the wall. Keith scooped Lance's body up and ran straight for the healing pods, sobbing and desperately wishing he wasn't too late.

Everything was a blur for Keith after that. He knew everyone was there. He knew that he put Lance in the pod and Allura said something about fixing him. Shiro was there too, probably comforting Keith. He wasn't too sure.

Keith was in the room constantly. He never left. He needed to know if Lance would get better or not.

Sometime in between he told everyone how he found Lance. How Lance tied himself to the wall. How it had to have been on purpose. Nobody disagreed with him.

Keith lost track of time. It could have been hours he was awake, waiting for Lance to show signs of life, but it felt like years. But Keith wouldn't stop. He would be there for Lance when he woke up.

\---

When Lance woke up, the first thing he felt was disappointment in himself. He couldn't even get his death right.

When he stepped out of the healing pod, Keith was there waiting for him, his eyes red and wet from crying. Keith hugged Lance immediately and said "please, don't scare us like that again."

Lance was stunned. He didn't know that the team–that Keith would miss him this much. Then the regret hit him and Lance buried his face in Keith's neck and sobbed, saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over again.

"Why would you do that?" Keith asked, still holding Lance.

Lance said "I thought you guys would be better off without me getting in the way…that I could help…help get rid of me…"

They both cried harder. Keith said "Lance, I know it's hard, and I know that you feel like a burden but you could have talked to me. Please, talk to me, instead of…"

"I promise I will," Lance said, "I will talk to you I swear."

Not long after, everyone else came into the room, all so happy that Lance was alive. They all hugged him and told him how happy he was that he was alive, and Lance felt a familiar comfort.

For the first time since he left Earth, Lance felt like he was home.


End file.
